Oh Calculus, How You Eat My Time.

Seriously, why am I in this class again? Oh right, because I'm crazy. We've had four quizzes and one test so far and I'm already wanting to throw in the towel. We do two take home quizzes per chapter. One when we're half way through and the other when we're finished. Seems easy, right? Not when it takes five - six hours to complete. I swear I must be the slowest person in that class. Doesn't help that I've never even had a Pre-Calculus class. I wanted a challenge and dear Lord...I definitely have one.

We got our most recent quizzes back today. My score was 19/25, which is pathetic considering how much time I put into it. The worst part is that I seem to understand the material mildly well, but it's simple things from Algebra and whatnot that are incredibly slowing me down. I just can't seem to remember what I learned four years ago, and who the hell would? I'm not going to be a Mathematician, or an Engineer, or anything like that. So it really is pointless for me to be taking this class. I'm going to continue to push forward with it though and try to get the best grade I can. I cannot afford to fail and if I can pass a Calculus class...well then I'd definitely feel accomplished. We'll just see how I feel after the test tomorrow....

Speaking of college though, I sent an email to this one community college I've been highly interested in. I don't remember if I've ever really mentioned it on here before. The first email I sent last Sunday (The 10th) and never received a response, so I sent another Monday night. Tuesday morning I got a response and apparently they had never received my first email. I have no idea what it is with my email and colleges, but it seems to have a problem with them. The first email was in my "Sent" folder and all I did was copy and paste the email address I was sending it too. Did the same thing with the second one, but for some reason it went through this time. Ah well, at least some of my questions were answered.

Major college plans are going to have to be put on hold now though since Best Buy hired me. Haven't heard from them yet about the day training is going to be on, but I'll most likely hear from them tomorrow or Friday.

I've received several postcards since my last post. They are all for Postcrossing:


Pretty scenery from a man in Pakistan. Apparently there aren't many members on Postcrossing from there.


From Oklahoma. This is probably my most favorite postcard right now. I just think it's really cool. Haha.


Just received this one today from the Netherlands.

I've had to put sending postcards out on hold. I'm down to almost nothing when it comes to money. Scholarship checks get mailed out on Friday, so I'll be putting that in my bank account right away. The new job at Best Buy will allow me to finally have a flow of income as well. It'll definitely be nice to have some savings for once.

I really love sharing pictures, so just because here's two pictures of the edge of the field next to my house:


It was starting to get dark out in this picture.


Definitely earlier in the day.

I wanted to get some pictures of the trees and leaves around my house. I have a lot more pictures, but that tree(s) was the most colorful so far.

Maybe I'll share some of the other pictures in my next post. Not bad for a cell phone camera, eh?

Surprise, Surprise.

Not too much has been going on this past week. I've been feeling pretty sick, so I've been trying to get more sleep. That didn't really happen this weekend though. I'd be really tired by eight or nine, so I'd go to bed, but only end up sleeping for a few hours. Of course I'd then be awake until six or later in the morning. Hopefully tonight I'll be able to go to bed at a decent time and stay asleep.


On Tuesday I got quite the surprise. A number I didn't recognize called my cell phone, so I didn't bother to answer it. A minute later I had a voicemail though, so I listened to it and it turns out that it was the man that had interviewed me. I immediately called back and a woman answered, so I asked for my interviewer. She put me on hold and a few minutes later she was back on the line asking if I'd be able to come in for a second interview on Thursday at twelve. I obviously said that it'd be fine.


Now I had never been to a second interview before, so I really did not know what to expect. I was nervous since I had no idea what new questions they would ask or anything.


Thursday morning comes around and I get a call on my cell at about 10:30. It's Best Buy and they were asking if it was possible to move my interview to five. I agreed to it, but it was an extremely good thing that they called, since for some reason I was originally scheduled to come in at four. How I mixed up hearing "twelve" instead of "four" on the phone I will never know.


Having a later interview time made it a little more nerve racking. I got to Best Buy about ten minutes to five. My dad came with me since he wanted to browse the store while I was being interviewed. I told the greeter why I was there and I was informed that they were running behind and that I could roam the store while I waited. There really wasn't anything I wanted to look at, so I just kind of followed my dad around the store for a bit. I went to the video games section and they had the newest Guitar Hero game set up, so I played one of the songs on that. By then about twenty minutes had passed so I went back up to the front to see if they were waiting for me. No luck.


My dad and I hung around the front of the store for about twenty five more minutes until a man came out of the back room. He went up to the greeter, who pointed at me. The man then walked up to me and apologized for how behind they were. I was quite nervous by then since the interview had been delayed.


For the most part it was like my first interview. I was asked to describe myself and answer several questions that would gauge my suitability to the company. After his questions were done it was my turn. Of course my first question was "How long will it be until I know if I'm hired or not?" I was given my second surprise when his answer was "Oh. I'd like to offer you a position here." I probably had a shocked expression on my face. He then went over things like Dress Code and the drug test I'd have to take the next day. I walked out with a stack of papers and a huge smile on my face. My dad was in the car waiting for me at this point and he knew right away that I had gotten the job.


Earlier, while we were waiting, an employee had come up to us asking if we needed any help. I had said that I was just waiting for my second interview and her response to that was "Oh, congratulations on joining the company!" I was really confused at first since no one had mentioned anything about a possible job offer, but now that I have the job I understand what she meant.


Wow, that's a lot longer than I thought it was going to be, so I think it's time for some postcards. This one is what I received for the Lighthouse PC Swap on Swap-bot:



I think it's very beautiful.


These are the ones I've received for Postcrossing:



From a fellow Michigander.



From Taiwan for a private swap.



From California. I actually like this one a lot. I find it pretty in a strange way. haha.


I really need to find a way to store my postcards. I wish I was able to put them on my wall or something like that, but my room is too small to have enough wall space for that.


I've still been playing Pokemon HeartGold. I'm still in love with that game. I was only going to play it for a little bit last night, but after defeating the second to last Kanto gym leader I figured I might as well battle Gary/Blue. All his Pokemon I got a one hit KO on except for his lvl 60 Pidgeot. It makes no sense either. I ended up defeating it with my lvl 56 Ampharos, since apparently flying types are weak to electric attacks. I've forgotten that a billion times throughout the game.


I now have all the 16 gym badges in HeartGold. I'm going to hold off on going to Mt. Silver and battling Red though. I want to capture the legendaries and get a decent water type before doing that. My main water Pokemon right now is a lvl 51 Feraligatr who's move Hydro Pump has missed every single time. I seriously hate that Pokemon. I'd rather have a water one that I actually like. I'm also able to battle all the gym leaders again, so I'd rather do that as well. I still haven't even put together the Pokewalker yet.


Other than that not much has been going on. My mood seems to change with the seasons, so I'm starting to get more depressed at night. When I try to sleep I think about things that I thought I had forgotten or had dealt with and moved on from. Even my dreams are putting me through a crazy range of emotions.


Ah well. At least I'm getting through it.

Depressing Post Is Depressing

Since school has started back up I have just felt terrible. I feel like I should just type things out, so I figured I might as well post it here while I'm at it.


The first week of school was pretty much fine. Besides LMC canceling my softball class and forcing me to waste time trying to figure out a new schedule. But forgetting that, you could say that it was normal. Then it was the weekend, which should be nice and relaxing. Well not really for me. I texted my mom on Friday asking about me visiting on Saturday. She usually complains when I don't visit her often, and I didn't have anything planned so I figured I'd head over there. Big mistake.


I don't really remember anything that happened on Friday, so it must have been all good there. I end up going to my moms on Saturday around 2. I couldn't even drive my Oldsmobile since the windshield was foggy and my dad didn't feel like fixing whatever had come loose that prevented the vents from working to defrost it. Ok, that's fine. I took my grandma's car instead, which was probably best for me to take since the wipers work better. 


Well I get to my mom's apartment and walk in. Music is blasting from my brothers room and 3 of his friends are over and they are all (including my mom) playing Monopoly. Oh great, a day that was supposed to be a "family day" has now turned into me dealing with 13-15 year old boys. 


Eventually their game ends and they all go into my brothers room to play video games. That just leaves my mom and I to catch up a bit. Oh boy, that's a bad idea to begin with. Turns out she's still being insanely stupid. I'm definitely not going to go into any detail about what was said to me (or shown to me) but I can guarantee that mothers should not discuss those things with their daughters no matter how old they are or "mature" they are.


I leave after only spending a few hours there since I really don't think I could have handled any more insanity. That day is when things started to turn sour for me. That night I had a terrible time trying to sleep and I kept having major lower back pain. Every night since then has just been me tossing and turning and unable to get a proper nights sleep. Last night I was dead tired and even took a sleeping aid just to make sure I would sleep through the night. That didn't help one bit and that night ended up the same as the rest. Each morning I just feel achy, tired, and depressed. My back hurts constantly and I keep having the worst headaches. It also seems like I'm cursed since everything that can go wrong, has. 


I guess I just don't know what to do. School isn't the problem. I haven't missed a day yet and have been going to my classes and doing the work and so on. It's just the way I feel that I can't tolerate. Another problem is that everything I'm taking at the college is worthless. They have nothing I am interested in and I refuse to just take the "general" requirements classes. I want to do more than that and actually enjoy the classes I'm in. 


Another thing to add to the mix is that I posted an ad on Craigslist stating that I am looking for a horse farm to work at in exchange for being able to ride horses for free. I've had the ad up for a little while now and I've received a response. A horse farm located about an hour away from me is looking for a full time/live in farm hand. Basically I could do the chores on the farm in exchange for a room, utilities, and being able to ride the horses. Now this is something that I would love to do. The problem though is that I'd have to live there, and full time would mean I most likely wouldn't be able to attend college. So on one hand I can stay here and be miserable, or check out the farm and the owners (the farm has a website that I checked out, but being Craigslist I'm obviously still wary) and if that all checks out possibly move up there and gain experience and references for what I actually want to do with my life. 


Another thing that has popped up is that I might possibly be getting a job at the local Qdoba. I was informed by the employees when I went in there the other day that they were hiring, so I filled out an application. They told my to write down that they referred me and the next day I talked to the manager about the position. She wrote my name down so that she'd remember that I came in and talked to her. If they do decided to do interviews it still won't be for a few weeks. I've had the absolute worse luck with jobs, so my hopes aren't too high, but there's still a possibility.


Basically I am just at a loss as to what I should do right now. I really want to move in a positive direction and work towards my ultimate goal, but I'm not sure if that's the correct decision for this moment. I know I'd be a thousand times happier at the farm, but what about my so called "education"? Would it be worth it to put it on hold? Especially since what I want to do doesn't require a college degree? I would love to have an equine major, and Oklahoma State (I believe it is) has something I'd be highly interested in, but there is no way I could possibly attend there without taking out a loan. Is the best option to just wait, build experience, and try to go when I have some money saved? 


I definitely know what I want to do, but I simply don't know if it's the correct choice. I don't want to just sit by and watch opportunities float by either. I want to take action. 


God help me.